Salutations and greetings, Recyclables. (Remember, that’s what B_B and I call you guys. It’s funny because you guys are totally plastic, just like the tagline for the site! We’re so clever that sometimes I weep for everybody else’s IQ scores.)

Several things need attention by one of the Distributors of Awesome (Read: B_B or Myself).

First of all, I am under the impression that it is customary for a proprietor of a site to wish his or her readers a collective happy New Year/Christmas/Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa. Well, you’ll get a Happy New Year, a Merry Christmas, and a Happy Hanukkah out of me. You will not hear me say “Happy Kwanzaa”, because nobody knows what the hell Kwanzaa is. I’ve got a whole bunch of friends, black, white, oriental, Hindi, A-rab- welsh, for crap’s sake- and none of them know what Kwanzaa is. So you know what? It isn’t real. So Happy Everything-But-Kwanzaa-Because-It-Was-Made-Up-By-Black-Folks-To-Confound-The-White-Man. (At least, that’s the best reasoning I can find there).

Anyway, how was your Holiday season? I got me a scarf. I told my sister, I was like, “Get me a scarf,” and she totally got me a scarf. That, right there, is money.

The rest of my season was peppered with ridiculous situations that you cannot make up- my mother backing into my future brother-in-law’s mother’s car, my sister telling the family “Oh, by the way, I’m havin’ me a baby,”, and countless arguments, shouting matches and fist fights (for flavor). Lucky for me that I barely drink anymore- I think between Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve, I only had two glasses of scotch, and nothing else (because you can’t beat scotch, damn it, I don’t care who you are)- otherwise, I would have been completely hammered for the past month and a half. And people wonder why I’m a cynic.

Thus brings me to the second point: B_B and I are, like, really sorry for being away for weeks/months.

You see, B_B’s inspiration for these comics is his own misery, and unfortunately for me and you, the Recyclables, he was happy for a few weeks. I don’t know what the hell his problem was. I wrote him a ton of dynamite comics- really, crowd pleasers all- but he wouldn’t draw me any pictures! I was like, “Dude, can you draw me some pictures?” And he was like, “No.” What a dick, right? Just because it only takes me about four minutes to write a comic or twenty to write a fifteen-hundred word blog post doesn’t mean that B_B has a tougher job than I do, right? I mean, I’m handing him gold, and he won’t even make me a frigging coin.

Luckily for us, though, he’s all melancholy again, so now you see a comic before you. I mean, crap, dude. I would have, hell, I don’t know, shot a kitten in front of him or something if I knew that’s all it took. So I’m sorry I failed you, Recyclables, for neglecting to make B_B disconsolate.

As for me, I actually have something of an excuse for not putting up some prose for you punks to read in between porn videos (that’s right, Paul, I know what you’re watching, you filthy little punk). It’s not really huge, and it only really covers up until last week, but still.

I was doing a metric crapload of thesis work this semester. I gathered source data like you wouldn’t believe. Hell, I found a working time machine, and went back just to have a conversation with freaking Saladin for this thing. That last part isn’t true. Regardless, the point is that I had a lot of work to do this semester, involving reading primary source material en Francais, sans sous-titres d’Anglais. That’s right, ladies, je parle Francais, putain. Not just modern day French, either- I had to translate that from circa twelve hundred AD. You know how a lot of people have trouble with Shakespearean English? Imagine how much more difficult it would be if it was in French, and you’re halfway to the difficulties that I had.

So yeah, I had a lot on my plate.

But wait, there’s more! No, you won’t get a Slap Chop for reading, but I’m going to write anyway, so, you know, whatever. As some of you may know, I wrote a book from this time last year until early July. I finished that draft, and did another two by August. Well, I then started the process of the final-final draft. I gave copies to a few people, let them read it, and then took their advice. I began this last draft before I seek publication a week and a half ago.

I have so many things to change in this story it isn’t even funny. I’m changing ages of characters, which has ripple effects like you wouldn’t believe, I’m rewriting the first five chapters completely, I’m removing a character- and that’s just the major stuff. I’m also rereading the entire book for grammar, spelling, and stylistic changes. The current draft- the third, that is- clocks in at just under 127,000 words. My goal is to pare it down to 115,000- something indescribably difficult. It’s like cutting fat off of my child because he’s got a weight problem. So that’s what I’m working on.

Basically, I removed any chance of having a life for the next month or so.

Still, I thought I should bring these things to your attention, that you might understand our unannounced absence. We’re back now, sort of- I’ll be posting in between reading and editing, and B_B will be drawing pictures as often as he can. There’s still no schedule, but hopefully we’ll be up to fifty comics by Valentine’s Day. That’d be pretty cool.

Anyway, I’ll see you punks later.